The American Psychological Association has released its Stress in America 2009 report.  We all know there has been more stress in the last year, but there was a troubling finding in the study. It seems that there is a significant disconnect between parents perception of their children’s stress and their children’s actual experience. Here are a few examples from the report:

•Children were nearly two times more likely to say they worried about their family’s financial difficulties than their parents perceived (30 percent of youth say they worried about their family having enough money when only 18 percent of parents reported that this was a source of stress for their child.

•Children were more likely to report that they worry about things related to school than parents perceived. Forty-four percent of all children ages 8 – 17 reported that doing well in school was a source of worry compared to only 34 percent of parents reporting this as a source of stress for their child. Over a quarter (29 percent) of children ages 13 – 17 reported that they worry about getting into a good college and deciding what to do after high school, when only 5 percent of parents of 13 – 17-year-olds agreed that this was a source of stress for their child.

•Nearly half (45 percent) of teens ages 13-17 said that they worried more this year, but only 28 percent of parents think their teen’s stress increased, and while a quarter (26 percent) of tweens ages 8-12 said they worried more this year, only 17 percent of parents believed their tween’s stress had risen.

“Nearly a quarter of Americans reported experiencing high stress levels in the past month (8, 9 or 10 on a 10-point scale), yet, many parents seem unaware of the impact that their stress has on their children. Nearly two-thirds (63 percent) of parents reported that their stress levels have a slight or no impact on their child’s stress levels, which is concerning when considering the number of young people who view their parents as their primary teachers as it relates to learning about healthy habits. Nearly 80 percent of young people say they learn about healthy living from their parents or guardians, suggesting that parents are important role models for children. Yet parents are not modeling healthy behavior when it comes to stress management. Half of parents (50 percent) say their stress has increased in the past year, but less than half of moms (45 percent) and just over half of dads (56 percent) say they’re doing enough to manage their stress.”

Even now, in the 21st century, the idea that children don’t really understand what is going on in their immediate world persists.  And it is such a stressful century so far.  Children have a deep emotional world with a wide variety of feelings including anxiety.  They are completely aware of the ups and downs experienced by the adults in their life. By denying this, parents limit their capacity and opportunity  to soothe, reassure and show them how to tolerate stress.  So the next time you think, “I don’t think it’s affecting the kids.” Think again.