Snark Alert! Sarcasm StingsMarch 4, 2010 · Posted in Adult Children, Communication, Fatherhood, Parenting, Relationships, Teens · Permalink · Comments (2)
This post from Straight Talk On Relationships reminds us that our tone and general attitude toward our partner influences the relationship greatly. Often times what we think is ‘all in good fun’, really puts a rift in the communication.
THE STING OF SARCASM DOESN’T BELONG IN RELATIONSHIPS
By Lisa Merlo Booth
Lately I’ve been seeing the effects of sarcasm everywhere. Whether it’s watching my own family, my friends’ families or the families of my clients, sarcasm still has that same familiar sting. Sarcasm comes from the Greek word sarkasmos or sarkazein, which means to tear flesh, or to bite the lips in rage.
The purpose of sarcasm is to mock others. The better the cut-down, the funnier we think it is. Sarcasm hurts because it is meant to hurt.
Sarcasm is often an unspoken truth, judgment or resentment wrapped up as a joke. We throw out a comment and then follow it up with a smile or a chuckle and think that’s okay. It’s just a little joke. Unfortunately, the smile or chuckle does not soften the sting.
Regardless of whether it’s an older brother greeting his little sister with “Hey mighty mouth,” a friend saying “Nice of you to show up on your time frame,” or a cousin chiding another cousin with “You always could eat. couldn’t you,” sarcasm is often a caustic attempt at humor.
Sarcasm has become a way for many people and families to connect. They learn to constantly rib each other as a way of communicating. They think when the ribbing hurts, it must be because the target is too sensitive. Seldom do we actually think that the person is hurt because of what we said. It must be, we think, because they don’t know how to take a joke.
Not surprisingly however, sarcasm is often funniest to the person who’s speaking it. Typically it’s not nearly as funny to those on the receiving end. Unfortunately, when (and if) those on the receiving end try to stand up for themselves, the speakers tell them they can’t take a joke. The target then begins to question themselves and try their best to ignore the sting.
When it comes to sarcasm and teasing, however, the rules to follow are simple;
• If it stings—it’s not funny
• Just because you say it with a smile and a chuckle, doesn’t mean it’s funny or it doesn’t hurt
• If the person on the receiving end says they don’t like it or it hurts, then stop it—it hurts.
I love a great sense of humor and would never tell people to stop being playful. Just make sure that when you’re using humor, it’s not at someone else’s expense. That takes the humor out of it.
CHALLENGE: Watch sarcasm in the world. Pay attention to all the “jokes” at others’ expense and see if you can catch the underbelly or sarcasm. If someone in your life doesn’t like your teasing or sarcasm, stop dismissing what they’re saying and LISTEN. Be playful—not hurtful. NOTE: the person on the receiving end is the judge of whether or not what you said is hurtful—not you.


Body image, weight, eating habits and health is now a thoroughly unavoidable minefield for ourselves and our children. The culture is now poly-partially-nonhydrogenatedly saturated in intensity about our bodies. Perfectly healthy girls and boys as young as four worry about being fat while a vast number of people in our country overeat to the point of morbid obesity. There is pressure for women to be sexy and slim (except their ‘bump’) during pregnancy and a culture that orders in, dines out and watches Food Network 24/7. Oye!
Empty-nester? Why define one’s status by what is not there? Yes, my last little chick is about to go off to college. Yes, this is the first time in twenty three years that my daily life will not revolve around what is going on with my children. While I am sure there will be pangs of missing her and feeling out of sorts, I am very excited for this next stage. I want to feel the spaciousness, not the emptiness. I want to hear new sounds in the quiet.
Joyce Maynard’s essay