A recent article on the effects of switching the order of recess and lunch by Tara Parker Pope makes great sense. Moving recess earlier and lunch afterwards affected both kids well being at school and also resulted in the waste of food. At a time when some schools decrease recess time to fit in more academics, it is another reminder of how important play time is for children. Pediatrics reports that a new study confirms the idea that having recess versus not isn’t in the best interest of a child’s academic performance. Parents must protect the needs of children by remembering that old fashioned running around and climbing the monkey bars is an important part of a school day.

With all of the angst and money spent on preschool it was inspiring to hear Paulina Bemporad’s story of starting her own! She is our guest blogger today and we greatly appreciate her contribution. Paulina is the mother of a 3 1/2 year old daughter and an entrepreneur living in Red Hook, Brooklyn.

Starting A Cooperative Preschool Morning Program by Paulina Bemporad

When my daughter was approaching her second birthday, I started inquiring about nursery schools in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn.  I was horrified to discover that all of the preschools and private programs for toddlers require you to apply a year before the child actually starts the program. Since she was turning two in June of 2008, I was supposed to apply in September of 2007!  I had no idea this was even an issue. I felt like I failed as a mother because I didn’t realize how ultra competitive and over crowded preschools are in NYC.  Like everything else, space here is at a premium so why should a nursery school program for two-year-olds be any different?!  So, I desperately applied to about 10 preschool programs in the Spring of 2008 for my daughter to attend the following Fall. All I received back were rejection letters and notices that she was placed on waiting lists.

I was so frustrated and I didn’t think I had many other options – until I received an email from a parenting blog in my neighborhood looking for families that might be interested in starting a bilingual morning program for toddlers called “Escuelita.” As a native Spanish speaker from a Colombian family, I was thrilled by the opportunity. I was one of five parents who went to the open house.  I was excited to meet the incredible licensed Montessori teacher and an entrepreneurial couple who wanted to create the program for their daughter because they were facing the same situation I was.

To make this happen, they offered their own apartment to host the program which would take place 3 days a week from 9 am -12 p.m.  They are very involved in the community and have their own business right below their apartment. They had a great vision and entrepreurial spirit to create something from the ground up. Like me, they were also very interested in giving their daughter a bilingual education and were extremely frustrated by the lack of opportunities to attend Spanish language programs in Brooklyn. So, they found a teacher, offered their home and invited other parents to join their vision of a Bilingual Montessori preschool right here in our neighborhood.  Over a few planning meetings, the teacher outlined the curriculum, defined the costs and all of the participating parents agreed to the cooperative structure. The group hired a lawyer, had contracts drawn up and we gave our deposits with signed contracts.

We started with 4 children in September 2008, doubled the number of students by January 2009 and today we have ten families. Given the cooperative vision and spirit of the program, the parents play an active role in supporting the school. All parents are asked to provide healthy organic, snacks on a rotating basis.  We all paid for school supplies.  And all of the parents and children gather about every other month for a potluck brunch in each other’s homes. We’ve really become a close knit community and now regularly join together for play dates, share babysitting duties and enjoy hanging out during the weekends.

The greatest benefit has been watching our daughter blossom intellectually and socially. The beauty of the Montessori way of learning is that each child participates in carefully planned “work” activities that suit their specific stage of educational development. The children work independently, join together in pairs and perform group activities like singing and yoga. Lessons revolve around practical life  skills (water pouring work that emphasizes gross motor skills and measurement); sensory skills (from dramatic play with puppets to working with geometric shapes in puzzles); math (working with numbers, counting objects); language (focusing on pre-reading skills, word sounds, letters in alphabet); geography/science (identifying countries on maps, continents on the globe, changes in season, living and non-living objects); and art, physical movement and yoga.

Escuelita is now in its second year and we’ve expanded the program to 4 days a week. Our teacher is looking for permanent space and next year we are planning to expand to a full-time, 5 day-a-week structure. Our experience has been amazing and we feel extremely fortunate to have been a part of the founding and growth of a superb educational program for our daughter.

Based on our experience, here are my five tips for starting a cooperative preschool program:
1. Find a talented, experienced teacher
2. Invite like-minded parents who are willing to be actively involved
3. Find an appropriate space (be sure to consider NYC educational requirements and codes)
4. Develop a clear vision, educational philosophy and guidelines for teacher and parental roles
5. Be flexible to adapt and improve the program over time

Here are some great links to learn more about Montessori education:

The Montessori Foundation

The Wonder Years

Homemade Montessori

Montessori Story

A Montessori Classroom

Montessori Services

Judith Warner’s Sunday Times, Op-Ed The Wrong Story about Depression is the perfect response to the recent hoopla over the study on the effectiveness of antidepressants. A new study in the Journal of the American Medical Association reported that a placebo is just as likely to help mild depression as popular antidepressant drugs. The media picked up, simplified and amplified that little piece of information and left out the much more important facts about depression in America.

Warner writes, “Antidepressants do work for very severely depressed people, as well as for those whose mild depression is chronic. However, the researchers found, the pills don’t work for people who aren’t really depressed — people with short-term, minor depression whose problems tend to get better on their own. For many of them, it’s often been observed, merely participating in a drug trial (with its accompanying conversation, education and emphasis on self-care) can be anti-depressant enough.” Quite a different message than, “Antidepressants are no better than sugar pills!”

But then Warner takes it further when she talks about the death of mental health professionals who are skilled in using proven and effective methods of alleviating depression.

“In 2008, a team of psychologists brought this point home in blunt terms in the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest. “Despite the availability of highly effective interventions,” they wrote, “relatively few psychologists learn or practice these interventions.” This is the big picture of mental health care in America: not perfectly healthy people popping pills for no reason, but people with real illnesses lacking access to care; facing barriers like ignorance, stigma and high prices; or finding care that is ineffective.”

We can’t agree more. Treatments like EMDR and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and mindfulness based treatments are researched approaches and techniques that are proven to help with anxiety and depression. While it would be difficult for a therapist to be intensively trained in all these approaches, they should, at the very least, know about them and at best be skilled in one or more. Therapists need to be perpetual students and keep up with new developments in the field. Clients as consumers need to ask what recent training the person has. The combination of being seasoned by experience and current by education makes a worthy therapist.

We hate to say we told you so, but in truth there was much “high-five-ing” after reading the New York Times article No Einstein in Your Crib? Get a Refund.   Apparently Disney, the owner of Baby Einstein, is refunding parents due to their false claims of intellectual enhancement for infants. We have watched the growth of the “educational” DVD market for infants balloon over the last decade in spite of recommendations from the APA about the negative consequences of television watching for infants and toddlers. TV for infants is seductive. Babies are riveted, they seem excited, and if that is so then the guilt you feel can be assuaged.  Let’s face it — underneath any parents glowing reports of the fabulousness of Baby Einstein etc. is a lurking knowledge that this isn’t really a good thing to do.

These manufacturers cashed in on the vulnerability of parents wanting to give their children every educational opportunity possible. Parents overrode their common sense time and again in the service of raising a smarter kid. That there is no educational benefit to these products is now well documented, and other research indicates that even background television diminishes vocalizations and conversational turn taking in infants and toddlers.

ParenTalk’s TakeAway: Parents of infants and toddlers should acknowledge that TV is an electronic babysitter. Go take a shower, return a phone call, cook dinner — but do so sparingly and remember that the simple acts of singing, playing and talking are really what a baby needs to thrive.

Here’s the real deal when it comes to protecting and raising our children: They need a healthy planet with clean water, breathable air, safe food and an adjustment in the trajectory of climate change.  These basics are in peril. Truly.

Article upon article, research from all over the globe, are sounding loud alarm bells. Somewhere in our minds we realize this is going on but many of us put it aside because of the pulls from our daily lives.  Diving in and becoming knowledgeable is scary, but staying with our heads in the sand can do nothing to help our childrens’ health and well being. If the voices of parents start to be raised clearly and consistently we can pressure the people with power. Think how strong a parents for the planet lobby could be!

So what can we do? Get informed.  Decide one thing to work on and take a stand.

1. EDUCATE yourself by reading and watching this sampling of books, articles and video.

Clean Water Laws Are Neglected, at a Cost in Suffering, The New York Times

Food Inc.: A Participant Guide: How Industrial Food is Making Us Sicker, Fatter, and Poorer

The Union of Concerned Scientists Global Warming 101

National Geographic Sate of the Earth Video Series

2. JOIN Momsrising.org, a political organization that champions causes that we as parents need to get involved in. Members receive email updates about issues like plastics in baby bottles, paid leave as well as topics related to the environment.

3. READ the paper and WRITE letters to the editor. When the volume gets turned up, more attention is paid.

4. TEACH your children about caring for the planet: recycling, composting, public transportation, turning the lights off. Take on a project with your family. One of the single most influential factors in happiness is altruism. Here are some links to organizations that welcome help:

Environmental Volunteers

The Nature Conservancy

The Volunteer Family

Let’s face it – the kind of life our children will lead relies completely on these issues.

If you have a child who is starting preschool, chances are you’re involved with the dreaded “phase-in”. If you are lucky, you are the parent sighing with relief, watching your “well adjusted” child easily transition to school.  If not, you are the parent in a sweaty state of horror and embarrassment as your child hangs onto your leg whimpering and the words “separation issues” keeps playing over in your mind.

Of course we all want our children to get acclimated to a new setting. No one thinks it would be a good thing to just drop them and go –leaving them to sink or swim. But neither is it necessary to turn the beginning of preschool into a logistical nightmare with weeks of coming to school for 20 minutes a day. Nor do you have to be held hostage for months until your child feels “safe” enough to let you go.

Let’s think about it from the three year old’s perspective.  Your “grown up” is sitting on a toddler size chair, reading a magazine and stonewalling you when you run over to show them something or to sit in their lap. Weird. If a child is having a hard time saying goodbye, why would they get fully involved with new adults, activities and peers while you are sitting there. Young children cannot picture the future like we do – they need to experience things and then remember them. Therefore, until kids have lived through the experience of being in class, surviving the tortuous goodbye, being comforted by a teacher, calming down and having fun, they cannot imagine being there and feeling ok without you.

Of course, each school has it’s own “separation policy” and you should follow that to start. But if you are sitting in the classroom for more than two weeks and you have not been “released”, suggest to the teachers that you come in the morning a little early, have a short and sweet goodbye and see how things go after a few days.  It is a very typical part of growing up to be worried and clingy at the beginning of school–if we normalize it a bit and make it a little less precious, parents and kids will get off to a better start of the school year.

As August light fades and the end of summer coolness sets in, we all, no matter how old, still get that back to school feeling.  The combination of sadness at the summer slipping away mixes with the anxiety tinged excitement at the thought of a whole new year. Remember that great feeling of a new back pack, lunch boxes, and pencils? It’s time for a fresh start!

To capitalize on this feeling have one or two family meetings before school starts. Get a big calendar to go over the general schedule.Who has what when. Kids like to see thing concretely and it helps them organize things in their mind to see it on paper.

Make a list of what needs to happen in the mornings before school and before bed. You can use words or pictures depending on the age of your children. Kids love lists and charts!

It is also a good time to go over any chores you want the kids to have and put it on a chore list.

This is an important time to reiterate rules about behavior. Get your kids involved by thinking about their goals for the year. What do they want to work on?

This is the perfect time to make new paramaters about “screen- time”.  TV, computer, PSP, vand the Wii are all the same activity, besides using the computer for homework. If your kids are moving into school age many families make rules about no screens in the morning, or only after all homework is done, or only computer during the week and TV and video games on the weekend. Think about what works for your family and then tell the kids the new rules at the family meeting.  “Screen-time” is also a priviledge that can be revoked as a consequence for negative behaviors.

Adults also need limits on screen-time. Many families have instituted a “no screen zone” from say 6 PM-bedtime for EVERY member of the family! No email checking and Blackberry texting.

You can also set goals for the year–ask your children what they want this new year to be like–what would they like to add or subtract. Set goals for yourselves as well – less yelling, more individual time with each child, making evening family time a priority.

Again, the back to school month of September is a great time to rededicate yourselves as a family to the coming year with goals and rules and an empowered start to a new year!

With their trusted and loved caretakers by their side, home is the best place for children to explore, play and learn.

Let’s take art for example–glue, paint, stickers, play dough, markers, pastels–all things that can be used at home, so do them at home.  Little art projects here and there are a wonderful way to enrich your child’s world by creating things together. When you do this at home with just your child alone, or with a little friend– the pace is theirs, the product is theirs and when they are done– the time to stop is theirs. No pressure, no “Jenna needs to sit in the circle.” Art can be part of any day. This approach keeps play in its proper place: a low key, organic part of their day. It eliminates the stress of traveling to and fro and avoids a calendar full of classes that have expectations of kids that may be more appropriate for older children.

You can extrapolate this advice to other activities:

If your child likes music-turn on the cd player–you can dance, sing, play little maracas or bells.

If your child likes dance-buy a tutu and turn on a Nutcracker CD.

If your child like to pretend- make a dress up box with old shoes, shirts, ties, necklaces and Halloween costumes from all years past.

If you child likes balls, kick them around the yard or the park–no need to sign such littles one up for team soccer at such an early age.

This helps to keep play, play. Not a performance, not  adult directed and and not over scheduled. You may get grief from other parents, but as you will certainly tell your child, “If your friend told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you?”

Preserve your child’s childhood!

Appropriate doses of embarrassment or guilt in childhood are central to developing self-control and morality. Take the example of the 6 year old who slips a candy bar into her pocket while at the grocery store. Many kids will do this at some point during childhood.  If her parent discovers her act and does not overreact the little girl can be told to give the candy back at the store and apologize. Will the little girl feel shame? Yes, of course. Healthy shame. She will learn an important lesson and most likely remember that experience with embarrassment. This will help her override the impulse if it arises again and the apology to the store owner with the return of the candy bar teaches her she can make amends for bad behavior.

What if this little girl is screamed at, called a thief and humiliated in front of the store owner by her parents? She will have an overwhelming sense of her own badness.  An over-reaction creates toxic or unhealthy shame. This may dissuade the little girl from stealing again, but the cost to her ego is too high. It is our job to teach our children right from wrong but we must strive to do this while protecting their sense of basic goodness.

To under-react or disregard the behavior for fear of hurting the child’s feelings is to miss the opportunity to highlight this important lesson.  Becoming overly incensed or ignoring the action sidetracks us from the simple lesson we are trying to teach–we don’t take things that do not belong to us.

There have always been self-righteous meddling parents. Parents who can’t believe that their child would ever do anything wrong.  Our modern technology has taken it to a new level. Parents in groups have reported receiving angry emails with complaints about their child.

Subject:  Sallie’s food issues!
“Your child mentioned the word diet at my house, what is going on in YOUR house that your 7 year old would be talking about food like that?”

Subject: Joey’s Party
“Joey  didn’t invite my Charlotte to her birthday party. I can’t believe you were so insensitive”

No birthday party had even been planned. The birthday wasn’t for another 2 months. The two girls had just had a typical five year-old fight culminating with the age old refrain, “You can’t come to my birthday party!”

There is a lot of focus on bullying these days and cyberbullying, specifically.  We do need to be concerned about our kids being bullied or being bullies, but maybe we need to look in the mirror first.

We know that when our children are hurt, we hurt. There is no way around that. But if we can contain, control and tolerate our vicarious pain then we can be much more helpful to our kids.  We can help them figure out how to solve the problem, sometimes by saying or doing something and sometimes by letting it go. If we act outraged when  our child reports a slight, we escalate their pain and the child’s sense of self-importance. If we actually send an email attacking another parent and child we are crossing boundaries, behaving rudely and inflating our self-importance.

Email is so wonderful but so dangerous. Tone can be misunderstood, text can be misinterpreted and messages can be copied to others, dragging other parents and teachers into a personal conflict with the click of a mouse. If we want our children to grow up being respectful of other people’s boundaries, which is no small task, then we have to model that behavior.

All the little fights, exclusions, and insults between children are part and parcel of growing up.  Tolerating social bruises is one of life’s big lessons.  So here’s your lesson.  Write your emails complaints about other people’s children and save them as a draft. Then press delete. If the problem is repetitive, or really serious, please call. Like in the olden days.