Here is the New York Times Article on the new recommendation on limiting screens such as TV, computer, iPad and iPhone apps,for babies and toddlers, written by Benedict Carey. The Academy “downgraded” it’s recommendation to allow for a more realistic goal. The main point is that parents not convince themselves that there is any educational benefit –just babysitting benefit!

Parents Urged Again to Limit TV For Youngest

The data just keeps pouring in on the importance of children’s sleep. Perri Klass MD,  in her NYT article, “A Child’s Nap Is More Complicated Than It Looks”  highlights the importance of daytime sleep for young children.

“Dr. Monique LeBourgeois, a sleep scientist at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and her colleagues recently conducted the first study on how napping affects the cortisol awakening response, a burst of hormone secretion known to take place shortly after morning awakening. They showed that children produce this response after short naps in the morning and afternoon, though not in the evening, and it may be adaptive in helping children respond to the stresses of the day.

By experimentally restricting sleep in young children, and then analyzing their behavior in putting puzzles together, Dr. LeBourgeois’ group also is quantifying how napping — or the lack of it — affects the ways that children respond to situations. “Sleepy children are not able to cope with day-to-day challenges in their worlds,” she said. When children skip even a single nap, “We get less positivity, more negativity and decreased cognitive engagement.”

At least two naps a day for the first year, at least one nap a day until age 3, and for some children, even up to age five is critical. Children experience a “pressure to sleep” and need to have the opportunity to release that pressure with regular naps. Remember this when choosing between a nap and baby class. The best thing for your baby’s brain development is sleep.

“The windows are dark in the town, child/The whales
huddle down in the deep/I’ll read you one very last book if you
swear/You’ll go the —- to sleep.”

Yay! A sense of humor about parenting! I haven’t come across a parent who hasn’t thought a variation of “Go The #!+%! to Sleep”, let alone said it out loud. Not that I am condoning it, of course! The immediate buzz about the picture book by Adam Mansbach was like a collective laughing sigh of relief.

In Pamela Paul’s article about the book, Raising Children is Heck in the NYT, she writes that

“Barbara Jones, director of the office of intellectual freedom at the American Library Association, reminds us that parents have long appreciated that message, even in (somewhat) child-friendly formats. “Down will come cradle, baby and all?” Ms. Jones said pointedly. “That’s for parents. That’s about please — go to sleep already!”

Many mothers feel like they are an all day entertainment center. They feel responsible for stimulating their babies all day long. Parents often comment that they feel guilty or lazy when they are not involved in talking, singing, shaking rattles and playing peek-a-boo. They worry that a baby sitting in a bouncy seat or laying on a blanket just looking around is a neglected child or an under stimulated one. Not so.

When you think about the world from the perspective of your baby, everything is new and therefore, interesting. From the play of light on the wall, to the sights on the street to just sitting in the kitchen. Learning and growth happens as a natural part of existing in your environment. So it is not necessary for you to work so hard at playing and talking the entire time your baby is awake. Just coexisting quietly is important too.

Of course, it is important to carve out a couple blocks of time each day where you can be totally tuned in to your baby and take part in playing with him in a focused way. Listening to music, exploring toys together, clapping hands and waving bye bye, being tickled and kissed. You showing him the world and the world of relationships. Remember that babies can easily become overstimulated, so you want to be watchful not to introduce too many new things to him at once, and to tone down the interaction if he appears to look or pull away, cry or fuss. These are all signs that he may be overstimulated.

Your most important job is teaching your baby how to be in a relationship, the give and take, the ebb and flow, teaching him he is adored. All the other learning happens very naturally just from being in the world.

You and your partner have decided that you are ready—or desperate enough—to try to teach your baby good sleeping habits. After endless nights of broken sleep, a new logic has emerged: This is not good for our baby or for us. So now what?

❍     Enlist each other’s support
Sleep work is best when both parents are actively involved. Talk openly about your feelings and plans and lean on each other for support and encouragement when you are faltering.
❍     Clarify your motivations
•    Write down your goals and the reasons behind them. You may well be turning for reassurance to these ideas at a weak moment in the middle of the night. For example
•    We can’t go on like this. The baby is always cranky.
•    I am overtired.
•    My husband and I are fighting.
•    The baby could be waking up every night like this until he is two or three years old.
•    Other babies sleep well. So can ours.
•    This is in our baby’s best interests.
❍     Select a day to start
A Friday or Saturday night is a good choice because you will not have the pressure of a workday hanging over you. Don’t make other plans for the evenings during the first week of sleep work. Make your baby’s sleep training your only commitment.
❍     Talk to your baby
Tell your baby about what will be happening. Keep it simple.  For example, as you sit to rock him and give him his last feeding say, “Tonight you’re going to learn how to fall asleep on your own. Mommy and Daddy will be right here and we are going to help you sleep better. We’ll see you at morning time!” The tone of your voice can convey to your baby that something new is going to happen and that he is still safe.
❍     Get your sleep chart ready
You can use the chart in the appendix of A Mother’s Circle or you can use your own to keep track of the minutes and intensity of your baby’s cries, as well as how long he sleeps.
❍     Take a deep breath and begin
This is a commitment. Recognize that it will require some unusual discipline and strength from you.
❍     Put your baby in his crib before he is asleep
On the first night sometime between seven and eight at night it’s bedtime as usual. Use your baby’s now-familiar bedtime routine to ready him for the night. Carefully watch your baby to be sure he does not fall asleep in your arms or at your breast. Put him in his crib when he is drowsy but not fully asleep. Even if your baby does not appear tired, put him in his crib. Say goodnight in a loving manner.
❍     Look at the clock when your baby begins to cry
Make a note of the time your baby begins to cry on your sleep chart and keep track of the duration and intensity of his cries. Pay attention to the intensity so you can determine whether it is escalating or calming down. This chart can be helpful. You can see your baby’s progress, however slight.
❍     Note what time the crying stops
Wait until the baby is quiet and note the time that he stops crying. If there is a pause in your baby’s cries and then he resumes, begin timing anew.
❍     Repeat with every waking
Even though this seems like a lot of work in the middle of the night, it is short-term work for a long-term goal of uninterrupted sleep. It may seem easier to just go in and nurse for four minutes and get your baby back to sleep, but in the long run you will be waking up in the night indefinitely if you approach sleep this way.
❍     To check or not to check
There are differing ideas about whether or not interval checking in on babies when you are sleep training is helpful or not. While checking in on the baby may be helpful to a small group of babies, our experience has been that the vast majority of babies over four months old become more agitated when their parents go and see them in the midst of crying. Babies are smart but not sophisticated enough to be soothed by your presence without the whole package of holding, rocking, or nursing that they are used to. It’s like a tease to them. We have found that while it reassures parents, it infuriates babies.
❍     Support one another
If it is the middle of the night and one of you is still sleeping, rouse your partner. Both of you should be fully awake so that you can support each other during the difficult process. If either of you feels yourself faltering, remind each other of your goals.
❍     Listen to your baby cry
Parents respond differently to this difficult task. You may decide you need to listen intently to every cry and gasp your baby makes. Alternatively, you may decide that you need some emotional distance from your baby’s crying. If the sound of your baby crying becomes too painful for either of you, have that person take a break: take a walk, a shower, or listen to music on headphones.
❍     Pay attention to your reactions
Make it a point to try to understand what the crying elicits in you. Is it fear? Is it anxiety? Discerning your own response can shed light on how you project your past onto your baby’s cries.
❍     If you feel you must check in
If the intensity of the experience feels overwhelming and you feel you need to check in on the baby then keep it short—no longer than one to two minutes.
❍     Be consistent
Although many families falter a few times during sleep training, try to remember that if you do give in and feed or rock your baby to sleep after a prolonged interval of crying, his crying has been for naught. As the nights continue you should see a great reduction in crying time and night wakings. New self-soothing behaviors like thumb sucking, holding a cloth blanket or small toy, or a new favorite sleep position will emerge. Anticipate, though, that on the fourth or fifth night there may be a regression, more crying or wakings. This is the night when parents typically give up and feel that their efforts are not working. However, this is the most critical night to hang in there and proceed. There will be a significant positive change after this night.
❍     Designate a wake-up time
Choose a definitive time before which is “night” and after which is “morning.” Try to stay consistent. In other words, if 6:00A.M. is your designated “morning,” any wake up before then is considered a night waking.

Here is an excerpt about feeding your baby in the first three months from our book A Mother’s Circle. Enjoy!

“My mother says ‘Put her on a schedule!’ my lactation consultant says it’s critical that I feed her on demand, I am totally confused and it’s making me crazy.”

A new mom is not supposed to know exactly when and how to feed her baby. She and her baby are going to learn this together and  their rhythm, pattern and schedule will evolve over time.

The following three examples  illustrate how different babies can be in their daily rhythms. We encourage mothers to adopt a flexible approach to feeding during the first three months and to freely respond to their babies’ cries of hunger. Most babies can tolerate hunger only in small doses before they cry out. To make an infant wait until the clock says it’s time to eat can be overwhelming and disorganizing for her. Gradually your baby will eat larger amounts less frequently. A baby’s early random schedule will naturally develop into a more predictable pattern.

Babies vary in their feeding schedules. To underscore this point, the following are feeding schedules for two different babies–both born at full term, are breastfeeding, weigh within a few ounces of each other, and are less than two weeks apart in age. Their feeding schedules, however, are very different.

Eliza is eight-and–a-half-weeks-old. She wakes for her first nursing sometime around 6:00 A.M. Generally she nurses again at 8:00 A.M. before napping in the morning, after her nap at 10:00 A.M., and then again at 11:30 A.M. Most days she will nurse every two hours until bedtime at 10:30 P.M. She usually wakes sometime between 2:00 and 3:00 A.M. for her middle-of-the-night feeding.

Georgia is ten-and-half-weeks-old. For over a month now, she has been waking up in the morning around 7:00 A.M., nursing, playing  and then taking her morning nap. Usually she wakes to feed again at around 11:00A.M. Then she doesn’t need to eat again until the afternoon, approximately 3:00 P.M. She nurses again at 7:00 P.M. and twice during the night, at  11:00 P.M., and 3 A.M.

Some babies are much less regulated, and more difficult to predict and  soothe. Another baby, 7 week old Taylor, for example, has a different pattern every day.  Here’s one day last week. Taylor wakes at 6:00 A.M. and nurses for thirty minutes. She is then alert and responsive for fifteen minutes before she begins to seem uncomfortable, even though she is full and has been burped. She dozes on and off until 7:30 A.M. when she cries again and is not soothed by the pacifier or being held and rocked. Her mother feeds her again. This cycle continues throughout the day, feeding about every one and a half hours, with one two-hour nap while being strolled. Every time the stroller stops Taylor starts. While she will go down to sleep at 8:15 P.M. and have her longest stretch until 11:30 P.M., the rest of the night is marked by frequent wakings, feedings, and fussiness. It is no wonder her parents feel overwhelmed.

Here are some suggestions if your baby sounds like Taylor. One is more time on the belly. Pressure on the belly from a mattress or a pad on the floor can help to stabilize a tender or raw gastrointestinal system. Because babies spend much more time on their backs since the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended back sleeping, babies have been getting much less time on their tummies. Even if your baby is not overly fussy, it is important to remember to put your baby on her stomach for short supervised periods throughout the day.

Another suggestion is to offer water in a bottle in between feedings to give more time for the baby to fully digest between feedings. It is common with a chronically uncomfortable baby to get into the habit of very frequent feedings. In this vicious cycle the baby’s body doesn’t get enough time to process each feeding before gearing up to digest the next.

A third recommendation is to use the pacifier, the sling, the stroller, the swing, drives in the car, or whatever seems to prolong periods of sleep or calm. As your baby moves into the third and fourth month, the need for all this intervention will wane. Try not to worry that you are setting up bad habits.

As you can see from these examples there is no “textbook” baby. Anytime you hear people give a recipe for feeding that applies to all babies, take it with a grain of salt. Get to know your own baby, follow their sometimes unpredictable lead,  and  trust that in a few short months an organic pattern will emerge that you can then use to set a schedule that is right for your baby.

Autism rates in the US are 1 in 110 children according to the Center for Disease control. Lack of eye contact and smiling in babies and toddlers are signs of autism. In many ways autism is a disorder of social/emotional connection, so it makes sense that early symptoms are found in the arena of intimate face to face contact and play. The Early Start Denver Model is an intervention program of daily therapy involving social games and pretend play for children with a diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Results of randomized trials of the therapy are reported in the journal Pediatrics and show gains in IQ and adaptive behavior.

This highlights the importance of interactive social games as the underpinnings for the healthy development of all children. What seem like the old and silly games of Peek-a boo, chase, and the slow, high-pitched “Parent-ese” speak may seem “babyish”, but this is exactly what all babies thrive on. If you are concerned about your baby’s social interactivity in the first year, consult your doctor, but on the home front the immediate presciption is for peek a boo.

Parents are undeniably the most important toys for babies.  They love looking at you, listening to you and dancing and bouncing with you.  Toys that encourage kids to explore and create are also important.

The toy industry is certainly booming and there is a plethora of options for parents.  Many times parents will say that their baby prefers the box the toy came in over the toy – remember that babies are curious beings and they like to explore.  The box is new to them.  Water play or any kind of tactile exploration can bring a lot of inexpensive enjoyment to your baby.  Feel free to experiment with different surfaces and watch your baby respond (sitting in the grass vs sitting on a fuzzy blanket).

Babies and children come hard-wired with an intrinsic fascination in music, whether it is you singing, playing with shakers or beating on a drum.  The important key here is that pitch is not important to babies – you may not believe that you have a good singing voice, but your baby doesn’t care.  He loves that you are singing and they you are enjoyed in play with him.

Your baby is always learning. Whether you are singing to your baby, shaking a rattle for them, or running errands, your baby is taking in the world and learning. When it comes to play, the trusted adults and the physical world are your baby’s best playmate. No need for fancy toys – simple rattles, balls, books and blocks will do. Playing peek-a-boo, singing, crawling around and tickling will do more for your baby than any organized class for infants.

Of course, the kind of play that you engage in with your baby depends greatly on his attention span and tolerance for stimulation. Parents can quickly learn the signs that a baby is enjoying the play or needs  a break and is becoming overstimulated.  Clearly a smiling and laughing baby is having a great time – keep it up!  A baby who diverts his gaze away from a parent or turns away is needing a break. Usually a baby will give one of these more subtle signs before crying.  Of course, if he begins to cry, then he is unequivocally saying “enough!”

And moms-pay attention! Research has shown that active play with kids, the kind most typical of dads, affords kids great advantages in terms of their social competence, emotional development, as well as verbal reasoning and problem solving.  So let their dads play away and don’t try to get them to play like you. They have their own style and it is just as important as more toned down play.

Let your baby explore the world on their own. Using their own senses and being the masters of their fun is important as well. If they are content and “doing their own thing” you are not being neglectful. Let them keep growing that ability to entertain themselves.